Ethics in Professional BDSM

I was working on my homework tonight (yes, I am still trying to finish that damn degree so I can be done with it!), and I was dealing with the topic of ethics inside public relations. This got me to thinking about the issue of ethics in professional BDSM.

I’ve heard grotesque stories that have been relayed to me by others about the unethical dealings of other professionals in the industry. People being outed in the media, their personal details being shared with business or family members, etc… these things horrify me! Since when did “sex workers” become exempt from our ethical commitment to our clients, friends, and colleagues? It’s no wonder so many novices are nervous about seeing a professional for the first time, but this fear would be eradicated if our industry showed a little more professionalism and moral fiber.

I know that the topic of “moral fiber” may sound strange coming from a Dominatrix, but it shouldn’t. If you look at what I do and who I am, I am the secret-keeper for hundreds (perhaps thousands!). You will tell me things that you cannot tell your spouse, your priest, or your best friend. Heck, you’ll tell me things that you wouldn’t even share with a psychologist! Rightfully so, you trust me to keep these intimate details inside the confines of our play because I have earned your trust as being beyond reproach. For me, this commitment to safeguarding your fantasies is all part of my commitment as a Dominant. A good Dominant is concerned for the welfare of his or her submissives, and this welfare extends beyond just your physical health.

Ethical behavior in professional BDSM is not only limited to discretion and privacy. As our industry matures and develops, so do our concepts of what is “right” and “wrong.” A professional must be always aware of how his or her actions will affect their clients and playpartners.

I thought I would share my own personal code of ethics, which I have made part of the culture at Wicked Eden:

1. I will endeavor to always provide a safe and secure environment for individuals to share, explore, and live their fetishes and fantasies. I will be vigilant in making sure my dungeon and its equipment are clean, sanitized, and are in good repair.

2. I am committed to providing privacy and discretion to my pets and clients. I make sure this privacy is absolute by having strict standards about how personal information is stored. I value their personal lives as that which keeps them balanced and grounded so they can enjoy their fantasies. I value their decision to come to me, knowing that I would never betray their trust.

3. I will always maintain professional decorum inside and outside of sessions. This means that I will not behave in ways that could damage my business, my reputation, or the lives and livelihoods of my staff members. I will abide by laws and regulations as they pertain to my business so that I will never be in danger of legal issues.

4. I strive to treat my pets and clients fairly and appropriately and always be worthy of their respect. I strive to prevent submissives from making poor choices, such as spending beyond their means, in pursuit of serving me. I will be honest in my communications and never be afraid of telling someone something they don’t wish to hear. As a Dominant, I cannot afford to be passive aggressive.

5. I am committed to learning new things and perfecting my techniques so that I am never stagnant. I am committed to always playing safely, but it is my delightful obligation to push boundaries and expand horizons. This means I must be constantly poking and prodding the psyche of the bottom, the submissive, the fetishist, and the slave. I must always stay one step ahead.

6. I must care for my health and appearance. This means staying in shape, eating well, and caring for all aspects of my beauty. When my pets see me, they expect to see me always in top form. I must also maintain a complex wardrobe of clothing and shoes so that I can complete the transformation into a figure from your dreams.

But most importantly…

7. I must always be myself and do that which fulfills me. I have an obligation to myself to do that which makes me happy and never settle for simply “making do.” I know that those who come to me do so because they want to experience something real, whether it’s a simple spanking or a lifetime of devotion. I will never fake it, nor will I stay in my profession if I become jaded or bitter, because it makes a mockery of everything I represent. I will always be true to my nature and true to my own desires, always looking for excitement and pleasure in my play.

 

As a submissive, switch, top, fetishist, what have you… what is your code of ethics? How do you feel about seeing professional ethics in BDSM? Are they different from ethics in other professions?

Ladies of Wicked Eden, which of your ethical standards do you feel most strongly about? Why?

Want to comment? Please do!

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This entry was posted on Monday, April 26th, 2010 at 10:24 pm and is filed under BDSM & Fetish, Domina Snow. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

6 Responses to “Ethics in Professional BDSM”

  1. Phoenix Says:
    April 27th, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Well I think this is pretty much applicable to everything in life, it is a shame it is not practiced more. Phoenix

  2. Mistress Yve Says:
    April 27th, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Ah, this is a wise topic to bring up. I hope you don’t mind if I crosspost to my blog as well.

    I obviously don’t disagree with anything you’ve written and certainly hold these things in high regard, myself.

    I would say that, for me, first on the list is a pet or client’s well-being. It’s a convenient blanket that also covers privacy and sanitization, sure, but my initial focus is their psychological well-being. I have actually talked clients OUT of serving me before, because they weren’t interested in it for the right reasons. They were being self-destructive. I know you have done this, as well. It’s one of the reasons I love and respect Wicked Eden. We cannot stomach immoral behavior. Abuse is a dirty word here. We do not engage in it, even if there is an obvious monetary or material benefit, even if a client begs (which happens- we have to know when to put the brakes on, even when they don’t sometimes.)

    And it’s true, we are vaults. We keep the secrets of countless people, and unlike a physcologist, we are required to empathize, to care. Professional distance in our line of work, versus another, is apples an oranges. Our sense of self discipline and the ability to maintain our OWN well-being, while being so involved with the deepest secrets of our pets, is a fine art. We balance many quiet truths and heavy emotions with the skill of a tightrope walker.

    With that said, I think we have a responsibility to take care of ourselves that is just as important as our care for our pets. If we are not rested and balanced, we get sloppy, and unlike other professions, the damage we can cause on an off-day, can seriously affect the well-being of another person.

    Our ability to prioritize has to be impeccable, or our ability to care for our pets and ourselves is compromised. We have to practice near-flawless diplomacy, as well, which means we cannot carry impatience or frustration with us. We have to stay on top of our emotional responses to anything and everything, so that we do not damage those who adore us. We are Zen masters, frankly.

    And the rest seems to fall into place after that. If you care for your pets and yourself, it should go without saying that you run a tight ship. Privacy, cleanliness, skill sets, all of it- these are all natural results of the consideration and value we make a standard part of our profession.

  3. Mistress Yve Says:
    April 27th, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    LOOK AT ALL THOSE TYPOS! Ms. Yve needs some fucking coffee…

  4. slave rich Says:
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    As a submissive i feel that ethics are just as important in making a meaningful relationship with Your domme as they are in building more traditional personal/work relatioships.

    It is so very important to be honest and develop trust between one another. Sharing very personal and intimate thoughts/fantasies can be scary and intimidating at first, but once that trust and bond is built their are so many things that can be explored.

    Also it is not just about the session but the time spent before and after where thoughts can be shared that can make time together special. Respecting my Domme as a unique person and understanding her likes and dislikes; again in and out of session; means alot to me as i want to not just be looked at as a client…i hope this makes sense.

    A rule to follow always..whether in the vanilla or BDSM world, is to treat who you are with the same way as you would like to be treated. Genuine respect goes a long way.

    salve rich

  5. slave rich Says:
    April 27th, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    Please excuse the typos… i don’t get paid for my typing skills!!

    slave rich

  6. Tim Says:
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    Its refreshing to know my secret fantasies are safe . If I was Tiger Woods and I wanted
    to be dressed up like Snow White . Have the staff of Wicked Eden to be dressed like the
    seven Dwarfs and do my ass with a strap on . No one would know ! That’s great to know
    there’s a place you can go and be yourself or to experiment some . You provide a valuble
    service for people on all different levels . People need an outlet from the day to day pressures of life . Sometimes it takes more than a book or a movie to escape from the
    reality of life for a brief time of Role Playing . I believe BDSM in some chases , even therapeutic to some . My self I want to learn more about BDSM , right now I’m a novice.
    I believe that Wicked Eden has a very professional staff and looking forward to playing with them .